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Wed, Sep. 10th, 2008, 11:23 pm

im so pissed i believed shitbag's lies. once again, after how many years?! when will i learn? fuck it, its not even a lie that affects me but i just dont see why or how he does it! thank god i didnt tell him any of my shit i got going on. fucker doesnt deserve to know. i guess friends really cant work. i mean it cant when you fucking lie to me! i wonder if i can ever be part of a fucking healthy relationship, dont i deserve a good guy? maybe not. i sorta had one for a bit back then...i fucked that shit up well he did to. and then recently, well im too chicken shit to try. thats my problem. idk i see my friends with these decent guys and you know..i just question how fucked i am that i cant ever make it work? i dont even know why im so annoyed with it. i dont want a relationship with him or with anyone...i guess the loneliness is creeping.

Charlotte: The thing is... there are some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'
Carrie: I'm lonely. I am. The loneliness is palpable.

yeah im quoting sex and the city. shoot me. i just saw the episode last night i think and that just sparked in my head. well the best solution is to fill my time with school and the newspaper and magazine. i really cant deal with boys right now..plus everyone just wants hook ups. and id like something more concrete. i dont know how i got from being pissed with the ex to being depressed about being alone. fuck.