life has been shitty. but my attitude hasnt swayed too much below depression. my baby died and i couldnt handle it. i still get teary eyed when something remind me of him or i find his toys around. lauren's dog amber has cancer, and probably has a few months left. i feel worst for her cause of her mom. she's has had the shittest year imaginable i think. and yet, she still can be one of the most upbeat person i ever met. people like her and justine, who can always find a way to be positive, are my inspirations. i rather sit in the shower and cry then actually try anymore. but the weather getting warmer and its hard not to be drawn outside. which is good thing for me. my car is getting fixed and i finally went to the dermatologist. hopefully my skin will clear up on my forehead and back, really gross. and my car isnt all fucked up anymore. so slowly things are somewhat climbing. and i finally saved a grand, aside from the rest of my money,which is something that needed to happen. and northeastern said i should hear by next week from them. so im hoping the good things keep coming. goofs comes back this weekend and so does spanish. and in general, everyone finishing up on school and i just cant wait to lay out on the beach. probably with a shirt on haha cause im not in the mood to soo off any of my body. but just to relax with some good people around. the cuban might be coming to visit me which will be wild but cool. im not looking for a relationship or random hook up, i need to get straight first. and i dont have the energy to worry about someone else just yet. ill probably take another year, hah. hopefully not.