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Tue, Sep. 30th, 2008, 09:16 pm

ive been listening to peter gabriel's "in your eyes" and bob dylan "it aint me babe" on repeat the entire day.

i need a new camera.

i want a really good one. so now i gotta research and compare and all that fun shit. i wish i was more artistic. i wanna take a class in photography..and guitar. and a bunch of other neat stuff..ya never too old right?

Mon, Sep. 29th, 2008, 01:56 am

i always seem to fall for musicians.

Mon, Sep. 15th, 2008, 12:29 pm

i wanna start up a journal on blogspot. i just dont have the patience to set it up. this is obvs of how tasteless my livejournal is. i missed the newspaper meeting yesterday..but ill go sunday and pick up a story. i dont think its that bad. i mean we're still in the first week here. im already really tired. and i have to do so much reading tonight. im not up for it yet. my co-op class was cancelled so im free until 4. but i have italian and other reading to do until then. me and the track star talked this weekend for a bit. i need to stop cause then ill build up anticipation and ill be let down. as always. i dyed my hair, its jet black right now. and i dont know how i feel about it. i think i need to wash it a few more times for the color to settle right. entourage is off to a good fucking start this season. eright, off to some ramen and italian, how typical college student of me.

Wed, Sep. 10th, 2008, 11:23 pm

im so pissed i believed shitbag's lies. once again, after how many years?! when will i learn? fuck it, its not even a lie that affects me but i just dont see why or how he does it! thank god i didnt tell him any of my shit i got going on. fucker doesnt deserve to know. i guess friends really cant work. i mean it cant when you fucking lie to me! i wonder if i can ever be part of a fucking healthy relationship, dont i deserve a good guy? maybe not. i sorta had one for a bit back then...i fucked that shit up well he did to. and then recently, well im too chicken shit to try. thats my problem. idk i see my friends with these decent guys and you know..i just question how fucked i am that i cant ever make it work? i dont even know why im so annoyed with it. i dont want a relationship with him or with anyone...i guess the loneliness is creeping.

Charlotte: The thing is... there are some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'
Carrie: I'm lonely. I am. The loneliness is palpable.


yeah im quoting sex and the city. shoot me. i just saw the episode last night i think and that just sparked in my head. well the best solution is to fill my time with school and the newspaper and magazine. i really cant deal with boys right now..plus everyone just wants hook ups. and id like something more concrete. i dont know how i got from being pissed with the ex to being depressed about being alone. fuck.

Sat, Sep. 6th, 2008, 10:46 pm

its hot and rainy and im sticky with sweat...mmm yeah saturday night. im itching for a new tattoo and something a bit more elaborate than my past ones....but it has to be including the shit stars i have.

"He's got you on a pedestal and me in his arms."


i read nick and norah's infinite playlist for shits and giggles. and it was a pretty decent book. i love michael cera..i didnt jump on the superbad bandwagon with him, my affection goes back during arrested development..i can even go as far as that mary kate and ashley movie. little brat. well now im excited for the movie, it looks decent as well. this was the time last year when i saw him in the same subway as me while i was going to class..so i wasnt imagining and he was actually there for filming. hes super dorky looking in real life, more so than on film. love it.

Thu, Sep. 4th, 2008, 12:09 am

i'm here. and it feels so good. i already might have visitors next weekend. i love my friends. yeah, i cant stop thinking about him. that shit was suppose to get out of my system. im excited for everything to start. but i enjoyed just walking around. my body is so sore though. i solemnly swear im up to no good. i need to take away text messaging from my phone because when im drunk...its deadly. i just tell myself over and over...not to contact him. or the loser guy that became my friend finally. whatever, more walking around and buying shit tomorrow. and im so excited for it!

Sun, Aug. 24th, 2008, 08:38 pm

i'm falling hard. he hasn't let me down yet. of course, we're apart now. damn school.

Fri, Aug. 15th, 2008, 11:17 pm
smiles fade in the summer

rainy days are the best days to write. school starts in two weeks..woo exciting. i have so much shit to buy. and my parents, yeah both of them, have become more and more undependable. i wonder if i can even find a ride up there..? im excited tomorrow i get to hang out with lindsay and deanna..and i miss them so much. i guess the whole thing with lauren kinda pulled everyone apart. im so annoyed cause i kinda wasnt part of that. i was working for most of the summer. i visited lin today and she voiced her annoyance in a subtle way. but im looking to make up for them cause unknowingly i did take a side. we hitting up a block party for some softball action and drinking and passing out at my house. i need it. ive been thinking too much lately. maybe ill be dumb enough to call fitz. lets hope not.

god i dont know whats up with that boy and why i started liking him so quick. hes not really all that different from every other guy i hang out with him but then again...theres something about him. and i dont like guys. i mean..i havent liked anyone since my last relationship. and i always say if i meet someone and blow me away thats when ill actually bother. and i was fine for awhile. i mean i could care less about being single. everyone thought i was so sad or something and seriously i was such in a good place. then i met this kid, who in fact i went to pre k and such with and somehow he remembered me. when we hang out, its like all blurry the next day. i cant remember details. i remember when he came up to me and was like hi so cute...that little hawaiian. and hes has the best laugh. he's smart too and...well i could just go on. i met him before i left and...its just been driving me crazy. im making moves i guess? i'm terrible at flirting and all that bullshit. i come off very awkward. anyways, in our pre-k pic..he's sitting right below me. i just think its crazy.

what's even crazier is i went to hairo for advice.


this weather has been very much "the day after tomorrow" for me. i expect a tidal wave and new york freezing over soon. maybe everyone will start taking global warming a little more serious..probably not.

ive been talking to so many people from vegas lately. tiff and me text like every other day and i text justine and jorina here and there...and i just miss them so much. i miss justine's family and us just hanging around. there's no drama in that group of friends.

ugh, im on the desktop and i miss my baby mac. two weeks and counting. cant take much more of the fighting in the house or the bad mouthing between friends anymore. my russian roommate better teach me guitar and russian obvs.

goodnight.

Sun, Jun. 8th, 2008, 09:04 pm

i havent written in awhile. i dont know, nothing really new to write about. some stuff happened in my favor. im going to boston finally and savings has been building. so im not as stressed about stuff anymore. i kinda work almost everyday and just chill out at night. which i dont mind. but everyone around me thinks its a shitty life. i really dont think so.
i always say to each his own and i dont judge my friends for all their actions. especially the ones recently. i mean i judged a little with lindsay and deanna being friends with gwen again. only because the girl is a complete bitch who called deanna a skanky hoe and purposely said shit to lindsay that made her cry. and she gave me fucking grief cause a guy who was in love with her but she never gave him the time of day, flirted with me for one night. i decided that im not gonna put up a front and pretend to be nice anymore. i dont have energy for that shit.
i dont know, i guess i jut grew a lot quicker than them. i had my wild drunken nights and stupid fights with fake friends and my over dramatic one week romances with boys. for some people, those phases last longer. but im over it. i kinda laugh when they tell me these stories but ya know i tell them what i learned from my experiences and be there for them. but its up to a point where im like, "get the fuck over it"
im also loving the fact that everyone i talk to and catch up with is like, "youre still single??" well cause i choose to be all the way. im not saying i have all these guys that like me but i know that there have been openings but i just avoided it. i like doing my own thing and not really having to worry about what another person needs from me. im still working on me and thats important. i dont really get lonely or sad that i dont have a boy to run to. im not really a dependent person. i mean obvs if a guy comes along and blows me away thats one thing. but i have such weird standards for boys that i doubt ill meet that boy here on long island. i just meet clones every where i go. and i say long island cause everyone new person i met this past month, even from far east, as connections to someone i know. and that is a standard, you cant know the people ive been associated with for far too long.

i cant wait for tuesday when i have off. im hoping the nice weather keeps up so i can go to the beach finally and maybe gain some color. i gotta work out too. for now, sleeeep.

Thu, Apr. 24th, 2008, 02:58 pm
im at place called vertigo

life has been shitty. but my attitude hasnt swayed too much below depression. my baby died and i couldnt handle it. i still get teary eyed when something remind me of him or i find his toys around. lauren's dog amber has cancer, and probably has a few months left. i feel worst for her cause of her mom. she's has had the shittest year imaginable i think. and yet, she still can be one of the most upbeat person i ever met. people like her and justine, who can always find a way to be positive, are my inspirations. i rather sit in the shower and cry then actually try anymore. but the weather getting warmer and its hard not to be drawn outside. which is good thing for me. my car is getting fixed and i finally went to the dermatologist. hopefully my skin will clear up on my forehead and back, really gross. and my car isnt all fucked up anymore. so slowly things are somewhat climbing. and i finally saved a grand, aside from the rest of my money,which is something that needed to happen. and northeastern said i should hear by next week from them. so im hoping the good things keep coming. goofs comes back this weekend and so does spanish. and in general, everyone finishing up on school and i just cant wait to lay out on the beach. probably with a shirt on haha cause im not in the mood to soo off any of my body. but just to relax with some good people around. the cuban might be coming to visit me which will be wild but cool. im not looking for a relationship or random hook up, i need to get straight first. and i dont have the energy to worry about someone else just yet. ill probably take another year, hah. hopefully not.

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